Allstot or Baldspot a Spyglass Satire

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By Ian Voth

Sean Allstot, also referred to as Mr. Allstot, is known by many names and is seen under many different lights. Known for his valiant efforts as a coach, assistant principal, and a proud family member of the MBHS community. I have had many run-ins with Mr. Allstot and not one time has it been an experience I will forget. From being blamed, caught, searched, taught, questioned, and congratulated I’ve experienced every form of his student watching duty as assistant principal of MBHS. I even played golf with the man! But he’s hiding something.. under all of that hair lies a deep trail of secrets he has been accidentally leaving for me to discover and uncover. 

Recently I came into contact with a suspicious slip of paper with names and times of when people were entering and leaving the bathrooms which I believed to be Mr. Allstots. When I confronted him about it he made a pretty good effort to get the slip away from me which sparked my suspicion because if he had nothing to hide then why would it matter if I had it? After we had a scramble for the note, he finally took it and told me it was information needed to catch the vandals who strike the bathroom regularly, which is a valid excuse. But when I read the slip I realized that the times and people that he’s been logging have nothing to do with the vandalism. His overall response was somewhere on the lines of “if you were an assistant principal you would understand”, which ain’t enough of an answer for me. 

Later in the day, I was called to the office which I was very excited about. What could he be hiding? What is he trying to uncover with these efforts? I was prepared to get the answer to all of these questions… but he never showed up. Yup, he left me on a cliffhanger, the sly dog. This was a wild goose chase – a chase that I was prepaid for. 

Here are the details: the actual piece of paper had a couple of names written on it logging their entrance and exit at different but similar times. If Allstot didn’t know what the person’s name was he’d write something to describe what they looked like ( “pink shoes???” for example was written on the card) showing that he doesn’t have a clear lead on who he is trying to find. So who is it??? What is he looking for??? 

Well, why don’t we just ask the man with all the answers: Mr. Allstot. I walked into the office with a smile on my face and a yearning for the truth, but Mr. Allstot on the other hand seemed a little unprepared as he greeted me with a mouth full of salad. I started with some intro questions like “how did you get involved in MBHS?” “and how do you like it?” which made for a very interesting conversation, but it’s not what I was after.

So let’s get into the meat. When asked “what was the note for” he responded that it was to see who was in and around the area at the time a report was made of an incident in the restroom. This incident was yet another case of vandalism which tends to happen just about every day, so I had nothing to push further. He provided valid proof and demonstrated that he is just here to look out for the teachers and students of MBHS. Overall, Allstot was just being a good administrator. 

You can call the man Allstot or bald spot but I would like to call this investigation called off. I was not able to pull together any information against the man. He can get away with this one but until next time I will be watching him . . . and waiting for his next slip up.

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